| | New Rule:
Abstinence pledges make you horny. In a setback for
the morals/values crowd, a new 8 yr study reveals that American
teenagers who take "virginity" pledges wind up with just as many STDs
as the other kids do. But that's not all - taking the pledge also makes
teenage girls six times more likely to perform oral sex and four times
more likely to allow anal. Which leads me to an important question:
Where were these pledges when I was in high school?
Seriously, when I was a teenager, the only kids
having anal intercourse were the ones who missed. My idea of
lubrication was oiling my bike chain. If I had known I could have been
getting porn-star sex the same year I took Allegbra II simply by
joining up with the Christian Right, I'd have been more down with
Jesus, they would have had to pry me out of the pew.
There are a lot worse things than teenagers having
sex- namely, teenagers not having sex. Here's something you will never
hear: "That suicide bomber blew himself up because he was having too
much sex. Sex, sex, sex, nonstop. All that crazy Arab ever had was sex,
and look what happened."
The theory of the puritans of the 21st century seems
to be: The less kids know about sex, the better. Because people who
talk about pee-pees are potty mouths. And so armed with limited
knowledge and believing regular vaginal intercourse to be
either immaculate or filthy dirty, these kids did with their pledge what
everybody does with contracts: They found loopholes- two of them, to be
exact.
Is there any greater irony than the fact that the
Christian Right actually got their precious little adolescent daughters
to say to their freshly scrubbed boyfriends: "please, I want to remain
pure for my wedding night, so only in the ass, Then I will blow you."
Well, at least these kids are really thinking outside the box.
By Bill Mahr
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| | Posted 10/26/2005 11:32 PM - 52 Views - 2 eProps - 1 Comment
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